But you can only go so far with articles on his website like "15 Ways to Save $100 to $1,000 With Minimal Effort." We already drink tap water, pack our own lunches, and buy generic. Neither of us has even had a sip of coffee--like, ever. (And do people actually pick up Starbucks every single morning, anyway? Seems kind of expensive.)
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| You'd think they'd at least get to know you well enough to spell your name right. Image credit: Buzzfeed |
Basically, we're running short on ideas to save extra money, and the local plasma bank won't take anything from me.
We have been cutting down on eating out, though, and that's going okay so far. I don't mean to make it sound like that's easy for us. It's not. Shoot, after I quit my job at Red Lobster, I needed a twelve-step program to get over my Cheddar Bay Biscuit addiction. We love restaurant food; we're just willing to do what it takes to eventually live someplace where the neighbors can't hear us use the bathroom.
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| I'm thinking twenty acres. Because Mexican food. Image credit: Alabama Estate |
I've actually come to enjoy cooking at home better than eating out. Before I got married, I could have burned a peanut butter sandwich. My then-fiancée made fun of me one time for having to read the directions on a pack of ramen noodles. I even let a mission companion microwave an egg in its shell once (but only once; the first explosion was loud enough).
Marriage has turned me into a pretty decent cook, though. Somehow I've ended up doing most of the cooking in our house, and I've picked up a thing or two. I get as excited over a new recipe now as I do over a new Lego set. And if we have guests over, I try to turn it into dinner as often as I reasonably can, just so I can cook for people. (Special thanks to my writing group for letting me try a new cupcake recipe on them last week. You guys are great!)
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| Image credit: More Than Sayings |
Discovering our own kitchen has given my family and me a lot of freedom. Just last week, my wife and I were talking in the car about all the restaurants we no longer have to go to for the foods we like to eat. Burgers? Easy. Tacos? Fáciles. Chicken Alfredo? We'll still go to Olive Garden for the breadsticks.
"But you know what's still better at a restaurant?" my wife said. "Pancakes. And restaurant syrup is better than anything I've seen at the store."
"It's true," I answered. "And I could still go out for a country fried steak. I haven't learned how to make one of those yet."
Next thing we knew, we were in a booth at Village Inn. I like to think we hung our heads in shame, but we were probably just looking down at our menus. Like fools.
Have you ever stopped to think what a scam restaurants are? Especially the kids' menu. Holy cow. I get that restaurants have to pay their employees and take care of operating costs, but really--five bucks for a portion of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese ($0.99 for an entire box at Target, minus the milk and butter), banana slices in a tiny bowl more fit for dipping sauce (usually around $0.59 a pound at my local grocery store), and a little cup of apple juice ($2.88 for 48 ounces of name brand Juicy Juice at Walmart)?
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| I don't know what makes me more upset: the price, or the fact that I ordered this at a restaurant. Image credit: CBS News |
But you do pay for convenience. After a long week of watching your toddler not eat his dinner at home, a few dollars are hardly a sacrifice when you can watch your toddler not eat his dinner someplace else. And the to-go box is free!
But fret not, fellow penny pinchers. If a free to-go box isn't good enough for you, there remains one surefire way to save money at restaurants. It works every single time!
So, without further ado, here's my list of one reliable way to save money at every restaurant:
1. Don't Go to Restaurants
That's it.
That's seriously it.
I don't know what you were expecting.
Feeling ripped off? Welcome to my world, friends. Welcome. To. My. World.
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