I love this kind of lifestyle, but it leads to a natural question:
If Mormons don't drink coffee, do they have coffee tables?
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| Image source: Hannah Keers |
The short answer is no, we don't. Instead we furnish our living rooms with stone altars where we offer up the blood of goats to Satan.*
Of course we have coffee tables. If we want them, anyway. I'm pretty sure the Lord hasn't made a commandment against any particular type of furniture.
But I won't lie: I've always been somewhat uncomfortable calling my own coffee table a coffee table. Not because of the Word of Wisdom, necessarily, but because I just don't use it for coffee. Calling it a coffee table has always been a little silly to me (same with the craft table I never use for crafts).
My parents' solution during my childhood was to call our coffee table the Lego table, because we did all our Lego building there and it had a compartment where we kept our family Lego bin. But these days, I don't have a fancy coffee table with a cool little Lego compartment. So here are some other names I've brainstormed:
Step stool.
Clutter catcher.
Mess magnet.
Infant head poker.
. . . .
Come to think of it, maybe "coffee table" isn't such a bad name, after all. If the name were honest, nobody would buy one.
Except baby haters.
I'm off to ponder other things obviously named by advertisers to make an easy sell (jumbo shrimp, anyone?). But a conversation about coffee tables would never be complete without hearing the authority on coffee tables himself. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cosmo Kramer:
*Don't let my dumb attempt at sarcasm mislead you. Mormons don't worship Satan. Nor are we Satan. To learn more about us, visit Mormon.org. And be nice to goats.
Of course we have coffee tables. If we want them, anyway. I'm pretty sure the Lord hasn't made a commandment against any particular type of furniture.
 |
| Though some people are pushing their luck. Image credit: Caitlyn Babin |
But I won't lie: I've always been somewhat uncomfortable calling my own coffee table a coffee table. Not because of the Word of Wisdom, necessarily, but because I just don't use it for coffee. Calling it a coffee table has always been a little silly to me (same with the craft table I never use for crafts).
My parents' solution during my childhood was to call our coffee table the Lego table, because we did all our Lego building there and it had a compartment where we kept our family Lego bin. But these days, I don't have a fancy coffee table with a cool little Lego compartment. So here are some other names I've brainstormed:
Step stool.
Clutter catcher.
Mess magnet.
Infant head poker.
. . . .
Come to think of it, maybe "coffee table" isn't such a bad name, after all. If the name were honest, nobody would buy one.
Except baby haters.
I'm off to ponder other things obviously named by advertisers to make an easy sell (jumbo shrimp, anyone?). But a conversation about coffee tables would never be complete without hearing the authority on coffee tables himself. Ladies and gentlemen, Mr. Cosmo Kramer:
Do you call anything in your house by a unique name? Mormon friends, what do you call your coffee tables?
*Don't let my dumb attempt at sarcasm mislead you. Mormons don't worship Satan. Nor are we Satan. To learn more about us, visit Mormon.org. And be nice to goats.
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