Nine Weird Things Writers Do

I'll just come out and say it: writers are weird. Who else would take the time to play God to imaginary universes and put it all on paper? In the age of Netflix?!

Writing is certainly a labor of love. We have to love it, or we wouldn't do it. But it does make us do some truly abnormal things--like these nine head scratchers:

We Spy on People

We're not trying to be creepers. Honest. It's just a credibility thing: how can we write realistic action or dialogue if we don't know how real people move and talk?

The next time you read a stilted conversation in a novel, I want you to imagine how much better it would have been if that author had done a bit more eavesdropping.

Then go ahead and talk a little louder in the restaurant. A writer will thank you.

We Talk to Ourselves

Here's one of the top five questions writers constantly ask themselves: Does this sound stupid?

Thinking out loud sometimes helps us resolve tricky plot issues, test dialogue, or create timelines. Reading a manuscript out loud helps us catch subtle errors and reword awkward phrases.

My two-year-old is looking at me funny right now as I read this blog post out loud. He's not the first.

We Talk to People Who Don't Exist

Crafting multi-dimensional characters can take at least as much effort as plotting and world building. Every author has his or her own strategy to accomplish this, but many like to personally interview their characters.

As for me, there's an imaginary café I like to take my characters to for lunch. We get a table by an open window with a planter box and lots of foot traffic outside. Whether or not these things appear directly in my story, I can learn a lot about my characters by what they say about people walking by and what they order from the menu.

The lead female protagonist of my current project, Em, likes to get the fettuccine Alfredo. Her male counterpart, Roy, is more of a Hasselback potato kind of guy, which surprised me at first but totally works.

Image credit: Pinterest

We Edit Everything

It's a curse, really: I can't read anything without mentally correcting the grammar or rearranging the words to flow better. Doesn't matter if it's the Bible or the local news.

On my first date with my wife, I took a pencil to a sign to reflect the proper use of Your/You're. The sign bothered my date as much as it bothered me, because she's a writer, too.

Please send help. And while you're at it, fix all these.

We Look Up Words We Already Know

If you saw my search history on Dictionary.com, you'd probably think I was some kind of moron. Who has to look up words like forward, between, wind, or rough? A writer overly obsessed with precision, that's who.

While it's easy to understand needing to double check the exact difference between, say, bucolic and pastoral, one might raise an eyebrow if they caught me comparing the definitions of smile, grin, and smirk. But it's worth it if I can replace something like "smiled mischievously" with a single, specific verb!

And even though I once got especially anxious and looked up then, there, and for, I end up being right anyway at least 95 percent of the time. The dictionary just makes me feel better.

We Study Everything

When people ask me what I studied in college, I sometimes answer, "Everything!"

That's not far from the truth. For a short story I wrote in a fiction class, I researched America's most dangerous highways and how much fuel NASA rockets use for takeoff (3,821,722 pounds, by the way).

In a playwriting course, I looked at the different types of marimba mallets, as well as statistics on music store closures, just to get to know a couple of my characters.

While writing an essay on an experience I had at Scout camp, I read an entire book on the geologic history of the Uinta Mountains. I only used one or two small details from the book, but it was worth my time for the extra authenticity it breathed into my writing--not to mention the sheer joy of learning.

Writers are like sponges; we soak up everything we can about the world around us so we can present it in creative ways. Even fantasy authors dabble in real-world subjects like geography, history, and herpetology.

That's a step up from the common notion of hipster-bearded academics analyzing Shakespeare.

Image credit: Pinterest

We Plan Crimes We Don't Commit

Speaking of research, sometimes writers take an interest in matters of questionable legality. All for the story, of course.

Think about it: why write a totally unrealistic explosion when you could learn how bombs actually work?

Why should you make a fool of yourself by guessing at the price of cocaine, or how fast anthrax could spread in New York City?

Readers love authenticity. And in this line of work, the surest way to maintain credibility is to get the NSA breathing down your neck.

Image credit: imgur

We Work Naked

Okay, only some of us work naked. I haven't. But how many jobs can you think of where that's even allowed?

As a writer, I can work wherever, whenever, and wearing whatever I want to get the creative juices flowing. I can flop barefoot into my living room recliner wearing basketball shorts, and I am at work. And my setup isn't even interesting compared to other writers'. Shoot, Tom Wolfe used to use the top of his refrigerator as his desk and write standing. No judgments here.

We Write Even When We're Not Writing

Everything we do eventually winds up in our writing. We may overhear a bit of conversation and file it away for dialogue. We may find a new character in a stranger on the bus. A hike in the mountains could inspire a whole new plot.

You know what my current novel started with? Lego sets and Final Fantasy VII. I may not look like it, but everywhere I go I'm working.

Everywhere I go, I'm writing.

Inspiration comes in every form--which gives me the perfect excuse to go play laser tag.


There are as many writerly quirks as there are writers. Do you have something to add to this list? Let's hear it in the comments!